Making Memories

Making Memories

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Growing up, I remember my siblings and I traveling to all of the Southeastern states with our Grandma. She loved to travel… but I think mostly she wanted us to be able to get to go visit our Mom. For most of my childhood, my Mom lived in different states working construction jobs with her husband. Those trips are memories that I will always hold in my heart, especially now that my Grandma has passed on.

However, the trips we took back then looked much different than the vacations we take with our kids today. We packed ice chests full of sandwich fixin’s, drinks and snacks and stopped at rest areas all along the way to picnic and stretch our legs. She always tried to make every trip in one day, but if we had to stop for the night, we camped out in her 1984 white van that she kept after my Grandpa passed away. Yes, the vans that now make you think of a pedophile mobile…. hahaha.. good times were made in that old van and also in other cars that she owned through the years. We always took the scenic route… at that time, us kids just wanted to get there faster… but now I get why she took those routes. She was so full of life and tried her best to teach us to always get out there and live… to make as many memories as possible.

My brother in Pensacola, FL
My sister, Jamie in the old white van..
My sister and I in Myrtle Beach, SC
My sister hugging my Mom when she came home for a short visit….
My Mom & Grandma just before my Grandma passed

We just made it home from a week in the Ozark Mountains. In 2009, I a time share and for the last 3 years, we have rented our week out… I’m not real sure why… maybe it was knowing we were drowning in medical bills and didn’t feel we needed to splurge or maybe the fact that Steven is a small business owner and doesn’t get paid vacation time… either way, we just opted for long weekends away to spend together. But this year, we didn’t get any takers. So….. we planned a trip to Branson for Thanksgiving. We took Stevens Dad along for the ride. My Mom, sister, niece, nephew and Uncle all met us there. There were so many more that I wish could have joined us. Steven and his Dad hunted in Arkansas the first few days and then drove up to meet us. The most rewarding part of the trip for me was when my father in law said that he’d had one of the best times that he’s had in a very long time, this week…. also, when my niece told me on Wednesday- “today was the best day of my life!” That’s really what it’s all about folks. I’m really glad that God did not allow us to give up our week this year… great times were had, and great memories made.

So, weather your budget calls for vacationing like we did when we were kids, or something in between…. get out there and make memories!! It’s the best gift you can give yourself, and those you love.

“Travel is the only thing you buy, that makes you richer.” -Anonymous

Here’s a little video of some of the highlights from our Thanksgiving week…

My Prayer

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Lord, continue to strengthen me where I am weak..

I spent too many years being timid and insecure… but, you did not give me a spirit of fear. You gave me a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.

It is YOU who lives in me Lord, and you who gave me the strength and confidence to be bold in you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord Jesus.

With this, you also gave me an overwhelming passion to stand up for wrongdoing, the weak, down trodden and your children… no matter the cost…

When I least expect it, you test me, Lord. You test me through family, friends and even through church members. I pray that I make you proud, Lord. Even in my imperfections, somehow you still trust me with these situations.

But Lord, you also know the cost can be high. Sometimes this can be the most difficult part for me as a natural people pleaser. Strengthen me Lord, and help me march on.. despite the backlash, despite how much the enemy attacks through the least expected. Help me to never lose sight of the greater good and your plan for me.

Lord, fill my soul with gladness in all things. Thank you for your mercy and goodness!

“Panic Mode”

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Today, our country is basically in self-isolation mode due to the current COVID-19 pandemic. After reading a fellow PANDAS/PANS mothers post, I was reminded that this is really nothing new to families like ours.

Being forced to homeschool your child…. not new… being told not to go in large crowds to limit contact with viruses… not new… one day mingling and socializing with your friends and the next day, boom that option is off the table… not new. Being forced to leave your job to stay home with your child… not new.

For us PANDAS/PANS families, “this ain’t our first rodeo.” We have remained in “panic mode” for so long, that I think we are almost numb to things like this. I am sad for my 3 other children and all of those whose routines have been lost. But for Preston, I think he must feel that his siblings can finally relate to the situation he was thrown into a few years ago.

Life brings us down roads that we never thought we’d go down. It’s full of twists and turns. Being a mother to Preston has changed me for the good in so many ways. It’s forced me to take a step back and look at things differently. I think God forces us all to do that at some point in our lives.

Though we have come so far there’s still those lingering symptoms that may never go away. There’s med planners that you wish you could throw in the trash and never see again. Fortunately, I was able to go back to work and Preston was able to hear his name called at a home study program graduation. But, days like today, you wish you could just tell your son “Happy Birthday” but you know it’s a trigger for him. His counselor believes that he really just doesn’t want to acknowledge time because he lost so much of his in isolation and just being sick. I pray it improves in time. I do not have all of the answers, but we serve a mighty God who does. So, I choose to trust.

Today, if you are feeling overwhelmed, panicked, or scared, know that it will all work out. This will be over soon. Listen to the governments warnings and keep your family and yourselves as safe as possible. But most of all, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.

“Sweetheart Day”

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This past year has been very rocky for our family. We have had ups and downs and much heartache. But, somehow we always persevere because we both fully understand that the hand of God allowed our paths to cross all those years ago, and that His plan is much greater than ours.

Valentines Day at the Strother household came at the perfect time this year. The rat race of life, building careers and raising a family tends to bring us apart in many ways, and sometimes we lose sight of what really matters, and our connections with each other. This day was a perfect day to rekindle the flame.

This year, Steven surprised me with a few gifts that were personal to me… and our sweet girls got to participate in picking them out too. I also got to make him feel special with a couple of gifts and a special dinner that I prepared with a little more class than most of our rushed evening meals. We all ate by candle light while Alexa played soft music in the background. It was a good evening, with really good family bonding time. Even though this picture doesn’t quite do our dinner justice, it’s the only one that was captured. Maddie was a little beside herself about me having beef on her plate! Her passion is for animals and she is really in to protecting them right now.

My husband has never been big on commercialized holidays, but through the years he’s come to realize how important little gestures on these days are to me. He would normally just say something like “Happy Valentines Day, we can go eat, if you want to”.. which is definitely ok, but he’s learned to be more personal and realize that I needed him to show me his love by taking the time to plan something himself or go and pick out something that I may have mentioned. Just putting a little thought into it is what really counts.

If I’ve learned anything through my journey, it’s to take time to show the ones in your life how much they mean to you. I still fail at this daily, especially with my siblings and parents. Weather it’s Valentines Day or any other day of the year… take every opportunity you can to make them feel special. Days like yesterday are essential to a marriage… love is very fragile and should always be handled with care. Know your partners Love Language, and act on it. I thank God that he allowed me to love again and be part of an amazing family journey. I hope that you had a great day yesterday too…

Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God lives in them. Ephesians 4:2

Embracing Change

Embracing Change

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Why is change so hard? Is it because it brings about the unknown.. or is it just because we are creatures of habit?

For me, 2020 has already brought about a lot of change. Three of my close friends and coworkers left for retirement or different opportunities. Although, I’m super excited for them… I feel sadness. Both of the nurses who retired had become more than coworkers.. they are now friends. We have shared talks, laughter and a great love for our patients that created an unbreakable bond. I had security as a Nurse Case Manager in knowing that our patients were wonderfully taken care of. On Debbie’s last day, I dodged the final goodbye because I didn’t want to cry! I didn’t get that lucky with Mrs. Sue. She came into my office on her way out to say goodbye and I broke into tears as we hugged. But, she gave me a piece of going away advice that I will always hold close to my heart. Debbie and Sue… I will miss them terribly.

Debbie’s Retirement party
Mrs. Sue’s Retirement party

My other dear friend, Bree left Pinecrest today to move on to another great job opportunity. I am super happy for her, but will also miss her terribly! About two years ago, I moved into a new office building and instead of the ladies there making it more awkward for me, they treated me like family. Honestly, I’m the type who just sort of quietly does my work… for the most part. But Bree wasn’t having that, haha! She would come in very often to just chat or eat lunch. We realized very quickly that we had many differences, but were also so much alike in many ways too. She is now one of my best friends. A friend that I can feel confident telling anything to without fear of judgment, or of it going anywhere. She’s always rooting for me! Those kinds of friends just don’t come along too often.

Halloween 2019
Bree’s going away goodies.

Also, this year I have been transitioning into a new position at work. Although, I had been a Supervisor at my previous job, I had no plans of carrying that role again. But when the opportunity arose recently, I felt a nudge to apply. So I prayed for guidance… and of course collected some opinions from those whom I respect so much. Finally, I decided to it… and then pray… but not pray for the promotion… just for His will to be done in my life.. in all areas. I had peace in knowing that if he chose to open that door, then I’d walk through it graciously. So, here I am walking it, as graciously as possible.

One of my greatest joys is taking part in improving the quality of life for my patients who have developmentally disabilities. I feel as though it’s a ministry.

But, again when another nurse is hired to take over my caseload, I anticipate that I will feel mixed emotions about letting them go.

There is always a silver lining… Debbie has agreed to come back and work some part time, and Mrs. Sue has promised that she will visit as much as she can. Bree is still close enough that we can grab lunch together some and still have girl dates. There are also some great nurses being hired to fill their shoes. As far as my new job, I will still be overseeing my same clients, just at a different capacity… which makes me really happy. I will be visiting the homes very often. I still have some amazing coworkers at Pinecrest and my boss and team of nurses are truly outstanding. I am very blessed.

Change is inevitable… it sometimes forces us out of our comfort zones… change is not easy, but always brings about growth… in all of us.

New Year.. New Beginnings..

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For our family, as I am sure with most families also, 2019 has been a year of highs and lows.

We were challenged in almost every area of life. Our finances, our health and even our marriage. But every day we continue to put one foot in front of the other because giving up is no option when God is in your corner.

We have seen our son fight the ongoing symptoms of the disease that he has battled for 5 years now. This year, we’ve also come to the realization that unless Gods plan is to heal him completely, that this disease lasts on into adulthood. We have also seen P overcome many obstacles. The biggest is that he graduated high school!! This was such an accomplishment for him! He missed 3 years of school because of PANDAS/PANS but ultimately ended up graduating only 6 months behind his original classmates!

The strain that having a chronically ill child brings to a marriage is undeniable. There is an extremely high divorce rate for couples who have children with chronic illnesses. With that being said, I am not sure what the divorce rates are for couples who deal with this, along with a chronically ill spouse. It can’t be very good.. But together we still stand with the belief that Love conquers all.

This year, I have learned that it’s ok to say “no.” When a person only has an alotted amount of daily energy.. they have to spend it wisely.. I put my own home based business plans put on hold because of the physical demands on my body. We no longer attend church regularly… I am just not able every Sunday morning anymore. This is another reason that I’m so thankful the kids are in a Christian based school where they have bible lessons, chapel and school work all in a wonderful, loving environment. With that being said, I have also struggled with my own negative feelings concerning our church members not reaching out during any of this or my hospitalizations. This wasn’t the way I was raised.. but I was raised in a small town tiny church. I also know that everyone has their own busy lives, just like we do.. and it does me no good to get into that mindset anyway.

I can no longer do the things that my heart wants to do. Most days I feel like a failure as a mother.. but I know deep down I am not. I’m just doing the best I can with the hand I’ve been delt. I’ve gone to so many specialists this year and one thing all they know for sure is that it’s autoimmune related. This gene runs so deep in my family. I choose to push to go to work to keep health insurance benefits for my family, but also because I love my job and God has placed me in a position that I can sit down as much as I need to to avoid BP drops. I also choose to push on some of my off days so that my children can be sheltered from this as much as possible. They know that mama has to lay down a lot to feel better and they seem ok with it right now.

I am looking forward to 2020. I recently got a promotion at work, my son got approved for immunoglobulin infusion therapy by our insurance company after 3 long years and my husband and I’s commitment to one another is stronger than ever. God is so good.. he’s good in the valleys and on the mountain tops! Life is a journey.. and even sometimes a wild ride! But we buckle up, hang on, and go with whatever comes at us with as much grace as possible! Wishing you and yours a wonderful 2020! Stay strong, trust in His plan and keep pushing forward!